Comet

Comet

“What’s your favorite word?”

***

It’s difficult to place and name my feelings right now. I thought it best to write them down while they are still fresh, still raw, still unfiltered, still uncompromised, and less romanticized. I haven’t, for a while, written anything about the dangerously enigmatic pull of love as I have kept my distance from anyone (abysmally attempting, more like) who’s potentially going to hurt me anyway. I kept thinking, like the character Emily Rossum played in Comet, Kimberly, mused over the phone, “Do you think I have terrible taste in men?” Because oftentimes, when what I think of as my “budding” relationships go straight to the toilet way even before they began, I end up wallowing in self-blame, commiserating it through potentially self-destructing behavior such as eating expired chocolate and making three mixtapes about crying and then listening to them nonstop until I forgot why I was crying anymore. Because how is it that I have an unbelievably stellar record on getting my heart broken every time? Surely, it’s my fault. I reached to the point where I wish I was the one doing the heartbreaking, just to, maybe, sympathize with them. The whole, “put yourself in someone else’s shoes,” kind of thing. But then I stop at that thought and decided not to act on them (fat chance) because then, what kind of person does that make me?

I’m mad. Or just, I don’t know, volatile right now. But then I also wind up going romantic – as always. Because sure, this movie is funny and sad and chock-full of jabs at the Hallmark type of love (I’d say that this is a Sartre kind of love), but still ends up romantic, but also realistic – which I think is not ironic; but then there is something about it, too, that made me think.

There’s that scene in the cemetery where they were basically talking about random, mundane things when Kimberly asked Dell (Justin Long), “What is your favorite word?” and it left me stunned. That’s it. It struck me and left me speechless. Later on, during the impending end (one of the many) of their relationship, Dell told Kimberly, “Knowing you goes down as easily the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” And I think, doing a quick sweep on my failures in romance, that I never fully known someone, and vice-versa. For me, it’s the littlest things, as always, that strangely matter – not grand gestures, not a perfunctory profession, and definitely no brainwashing Disney whatnots – because, love is immaterial. Does that make any sense to you as it does to me? That might not serve as insurance to a blissful forever, but that’s okay.

So yeah, I love this movie. I kinda hate it, too, but I love it more. Even when it played Bon Iver’s cover of my all-time favorite Sharon Van Etten song during a “hold my hand” scene, because life mocks or surprises you that way, depending on how you see it.

I think it’s important – if not of utmost significance (but I think it should be) – to know the people we love. Not just romantic relationships, but all sorts of. If you want to dive right in to how many kids do they want in the future or just start with something so pedestrian as “What is your favorite word?” – just get to know them. I realize now, that it’s a goddamn cliché for a reason. It’s true.

And for the record, just so you know, my favorite word is rapture.

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