Curious thing, time is. More curious are us people hurriedly navigating and roaming the earth as if our lives depended on rapidly spending the fleeting hours of the every day. But the most curious of all is how we morph into the people that we are today, the people whom we swore on our ancestors’ graves that we won’t end up becoming.
As if you can fight that brain of yours and its inevitability to stay the same.
I was musing on how to reply to an invitation I received several days ago:
“Gurl, baka sabihin mo na naman sa akin na hindi ka pupunta?” (Girl, don’t tell me you’re not going again?)
It took me about 2 days later to reply that I won’t be coming to this little get-together. It’s easy to say that I have a previous engagement that I nodded to. But since this is an old friend who’s asking, I was still mulling over on how to respond.
You see, just a few months ago, I flaked out on a weekend beach party because I was broke. I used the word ‘flake’ because I didn’t show up and did not give notice. I forgot. But that still constituted as ‘flaking out’, I admitted to that. Words were said, “You’re too busy with your new friends”, “You don’t have time for us”, you get the picture. Even so, I apologized, made amends, and things were almost the same again. After all, these are friends whom I’ve been with since I was five.
But I too have noticed the differences even way before that little argument happened. Something that I never saw coming, not even contemplated that will happen, after all those years of friendship, those years in our little town, with all its proclivities and conservative upbringing – I did change.
2012 was a bountiful year of all sorts. But the most I got from it was experiences and discoveries. Suddenly, I was in a comfortable niche, and I didn’t mind staying there at all. Okay, I’ll be honest and say that scheming on potential hook-ups doesn’t appeal to me in any way whatsoever. I’m boring like that. I’ve had my few shares of ‘clubbing’ (I don’t even know if that’s the proper term), and I did not enjoy that either – at least if I do it weekly. Nor those happy hour social drinking weekly – because I don’t like beer. Those things, I can perfectly carry on with my life and live without. I’m happy to do it once in a while, but for it to become a habit or a way of life is very unlikely. I do not intend to be this subliminally dreary, but this is how I prefer things.
Apart from my ardent love for science, I can never tire of geeking out on music. I’ve made friends, not just mere acquaintances, with people I’ve met since April last year. And though admittedly, my social calendar is filled with 90% of going to gigs, I have other friends (former and present colleagues at work) that I spend time with who don’t ‘talk’ music, but there were no awkward silences shared, nor running out of topics to talk about.
Between me and my childhood friends, the air is thick with hesitancy, at least in my end. What do I say? What do I talk about? Do I babble about the last Terno Inferno and how I cried when Encounters with a Yeti played ‘All Your Children Want For Dinner Is You’? Wait, do they even know what I’m talking about? If I do explain it, would they care? Would they even listen?
I can’t just talk about how hot this guy is or how awesome is this guy’s abs all the time. I love men as much as the next girl, but it’s like being.. I don’t even want to use a metaphor.
I guess I just wanted to say that I this is how I grew up. And that I don’t want to compromise anyone in my life, including me, just because life happened to me.
They grew up too. Thing is, we only grow up together, but not like each other.